Nothing mattered

"'But at least I had as much of a hold on it as it had on me. I had been right, I was still right, I was always right. I had lived my life one way and I could just as well lived it another. I had done this and I hadn't done that. I hadn't done this thing and I had done another.And so? It was as if I had waited all this time for this moment and for the first light of this dawn to be vindicated. Nothing, nothing mattered, and I knew why. So did he.'"
-Albert Camus,
The Stranger
Page 120"

I read The Stranger about four years ago and never appreciated or understood it much until now. It's amazing how many things change in the time of four years, or even two. I read this quote and I wonder if he was vindicated? He waited for so long for this one moment and did not even realize it was what he was waiting for. 'Nothing, nothing mattered, and I knew why. So did he.' What did he feel after that moment was gone? It was the climax, the precipice of vindication. It leaves you hanging- much like life is I guess. If you experience a moment with somebody that makes you feel like Albert; what is left afterward? I like how Albert talks, unwillingly almost, about regrets. 'I had been right, I was still right, I was always right' he says this as though he is very unsure of himself and almost with disdain. It is painful to go so long, for years, thinking that what you have chosen was right, is right, will always be right? And for you to have a moment where you are with someone and realize that everything you thought was best actually had all come together and didn't even come close to comparing to what you really want, or could have had, it is a very tragic feeling.